this past friday, my grandmother passed away. she was 90 and had lived a very long life which made her death a lot easier to accept then i guess it normally would be. still extremely tough because i was VERY close to her growing up and even now i was. the past year she had definitely gone downhill and one of the last times i saw her she was becoming confused but i brought gia and i got some pics of them and i am so glad i did.
i think the main thing my grandma dying did was make me realize how much i miss my mom. it's like, a year ago, i know my mom wasn't ok but she was still here at her house and i was able to call her and be with her and it was nice. now it's just... it sucks.
i am so sad that gia will probably never know her grandma and that i no longer have my mom. i hate that this damn disease is taking away this amazing, vibrant, funny, smart and independent woman and leaving me, my dad, drew and now gia without her in our lives. it's hard to sit and dwell on anything when you spend your days chasing around a 9 month old, but some days it is very tough. i hate that i can't call my mom to come babysit, or ask her how old i was when i reached certain milestones. sucks, it really sucks. i wish i could have just one day with her. 24 hours is all i ask. i could take a million pictures, ask a million questions and really just cherish every second.
i hope that in passing, my grandma can now be our special guardian angel and watch over us all, but especially my mom. maybe some sort of miracle could happen and she will get a little bit better.
i feel so bad that i grew up with 4 grandparents, and gia will only have two. i also hate that i never got to meet john's dad. i feel like i was robbed, he was an amazing man who accomplished so many things and was so smart. and of course taken from us way too soon.
so many people take having their parents around for granted... it is the one thing i hope and pray that me and john will get to have, what our parents don't, to grow old together...
i love you grandma and am so lucky that you got to see me graduate high school and college, get married and have a baby. you will always be in my thoughts <3
3 comments:
Regan, that was so sweet....I remember how funny your mom used to be when I worked at public works (feet up on her desk smokin cigs in the office) or when i'd come over and she'd always just say stuff to crack me up! I love you girl..xoxo
tears...i'm so sorry regan :(
hang in there!
*hugs*
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